What If I Told You
by black-roulette
Summary: After L's death, Light discovers emotions he never knew existed. He wants to apologize, but it's too late now... [oneshot] [LightxL]


Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Death Note! …'cept the volumes of the manga I have sittin' on my bookshelf. XD Oh, and Mello's ass. No, j/k! J/k! I wish, though! XDD Oh, and all flames will be used to keep my feet warm at night.

Summary: After L's death, Light feels emotions he never knew could possibly exist inside of him. Now he wants to apologize, but it's too late…

**_Warnings:_** SPOILERS! ...And yaoi, fluff, ANGST.

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Rain poured from the heavens in a depressing, heavy shower. Thunder roared across the darkened skies as Light Yagami lay in his bed, eyes wide open. The rain… No matter how hard he tried to sleep, the more he realized that it was nearly _impossible_ to do so. The rain was so goddamn earsplitting! It pounded mercilessly on his roof and even made Ryuk restless. …But there was something else that kept him from getting a well-deserved good night's sleep…

He just understand. Why wasn't he celebrating? L was dead! His menace was gone! Eliminated! _Pushing up freaking daisies_! He should be the happiest man on the planet! Then why wasn't he? He just didn't _understand_! Slowly, he shut his eyes, trying to find the answers to his questions.

"_Yagami-kun?" came the quiet, composed voice. _

_Slowly, Light turned around, meeting the gaze of the famous detective. Smiling slightly, he muttered, "Yes, Ryuzaki?"_

_L stared at the boy. "…I have a question…"_

"_Well, go ahead."_

"_Am I…" he trailed off, blushing in embarrassment. _

"_Are you what, Ryuzaki?" Light pushed, walking over to the man. _

"…_Am I….pretty…?"_

_The brunette was taken aback by the question. Gaping slightly in disbelief, he choked out, "P-pretty? What ever brought this up, Ryuzaki?" _

"_Well, Misa is very pretty, so I was just wondering if I was, too," was the reply. _

_Light chuckled slightly, placing a hand on his rival's shoulder. "Yes, Ryuzaki. You are very pretty." _

_L smiled, large eyes glowing._

Light chuckled to himself, causing Ryuk to look up at him. Suddenly, he slapped himself in the face. What was he thinking? Why would that idiot detective be crossing his mind _now_? He had nothing to do with him! All he did was use him to his advancement. There was nothing _real_ involved.

_L blushed furiously, placing his hand over his mouth. Gazing at Light with large, surprised eyes, he whispered, "Y-Yagami-kun…what was that…?"_

_The student laughed lightly. "It's a kiss, Ryuzaki."_

_"I know that, Yagami-kun, but why—"_

_Light cut him off with another kiss, wrapping his arms around the slender waist. Pulling away, he cooed, "Maybe because I really, really like you, Ryuzaki."_

_The raven-haired detective fell silent, staring at Light in disbelief. To the brunette man's surprise, L abruptly buried his face in the younger man's jacket. "…Yagami-kun…"_

The college student sighed. He just didn't understand it. He was only pretending to love the detective in order to gain what he wanted. Now, he got it, but he felt strangely empty inside. Shoving his face in his pillow, he closed his eyes, hoping to get some sleep.

_"Yagami-kun?" Ryuzaki asked, tugging on Light's jacket._

_"Hm?"_

_The detective brought a finger to his lips, drawing a gentle chortle from the brunette. Cocking his head slightly, the raven-haired man stated, "I want to be held."_

_Light stopped dead in his tracks. Turning around swiftly, he gazed at the figure sitting calmly on the couch. "Want to be held?"_

_L nodded, large eyes gleaming. Giving into the man's demands, Light walked over to him, wrapping his arms gently around the slender waist._

_"…I think I have feelings for you, Yagami-kun…"_

_Light smirked, unbeknownst to L. Tightening his grip on the detective, he kissed his neck and muttered, "Me too, Ryuzaki…"_

"Ugh, this is driving me nuts!!" Light yelled, a clasp of thunder masking his voice.

Ryuk looked up at the boy again, staring at him awkwardly. "What's wrong, Light?"

Light stood up and turned on his light. Wincing at the brightness, he squinted and stated, "I'm sick of this! I should be happy that L's dead, but I seriously don't take comfort in that fact! Truth be told I feel…feel…"

The shinigami continued to stare at the college student, interest bubbling up inside him. "Feel what?"

"…I feel empty…and devastated…"

Ryuk gawked for a moment. Regaining his composure, he mumbled, "Now why the hell would you feel like that? You're Kira! Kira wanted L dead, and now he got what he wanted. You should be happy."

"I _KNOW_!!" Light screamed, causing Ryuk to flinch. "…I know…but I'm not. I'm not happy at all…"

He closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the heavy pounding of rain.

_"…Nn…Yagami-kun…" L moaned, grasping Light's shoulders tightly. "…S-stop… We shouldn't—"_

_Light cut him off with another kiss. "Shh… No one will ever know."_

_Running a pale hand through silky brown locks, L whispered, "…Yagami-kun…"_

_"It's 'Light' to you, Ryuzaki…"_

_The detective nodded, nuzzling his face in the college student's neck. "…Light… …I love you…"_

_Pulling the raven-haired man closer, Light whispered, "Me too, Ryuzaki…"_

"Yes…" Light whispered, the answer suddenly dawning on him. He was literally in love with L. Why didn't he see it until now? How could he have been so _stupid_? The answer was right in front of his face the _whole damn time_!

Ryuk looked at Light quizzically. "…Light?"

"Yes!" the brunette cried, dashing out of his bedroom door.

"Light!!" Ryuk called after him, deciding to follow. He made it downstairs, only to be greeted with the site of the front door swung open, Light standing in the rain. Deciding to leave him alone, he took a seat on the stairs, watching the boy in pity for once.

Outside, Light clenched a fist to his chest, feeling tears sting his eyes. Deciding not to hold them back, he spilled forth emotions; the emotions he never knew existed inside of him. "L!" he screamed, thunder crashing loudly above. Dropping his voice down, he continued to speak. "L…what if I told you I never meant to deceive you…?"

The rain continued to beat down on him, as if trying to press him to continue.

"…What if I told you I regret killing you…?"

He let a gentle sob escape his lips, feeling cold and uncomfortable from the freezing downpour.

"…What if I told you I was sorry…?"

Suddenly, the rain ceased slightly, beckoning Light to continue.

"…What if I told you I honestly really do love you…? …I love you, L. I love you…!"

Unbeknownst to the man, slender arms snaked around his waist as a head rested on his shoulder. Tears fell from closed eyes, and gentle words were spoken from dead lips:

_"…I love you, too, Light. …You are forgiven…"_

And for the first time, Light longed to hold the raven-haired detective in his arms once again…

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Wow...that was probably the shortest thing I've ever written. XD Sappy, I know. But hey, I couldn't fight back the urge! Reviews are welcome, but I'm not begging. 


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